I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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