she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
