Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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