the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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