Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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