Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
