We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
