you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
