just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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