first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
