just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
