I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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