she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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