I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
