Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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