the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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