Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
