dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
