you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
