MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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