Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
