Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
