The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
