i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
