broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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