Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
