just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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