What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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