i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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