Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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