it hurts more in the daytime
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
