I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
