yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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