I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
