god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
