I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
