Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
