My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
