I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
