Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
