I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
