like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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