Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
