dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
