waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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