The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
