how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
