The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
