honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
