I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize