And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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