saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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