Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
