sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
