I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize