he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
