You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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