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The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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