it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How does one acquire holy water?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
