I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
