just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
