whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.