Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
there is puke in my bra ... again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
