Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"