I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ