Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?