Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass