Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?