I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.