how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
