i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
