Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
