i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
