the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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