I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
