I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
