saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
