I wish I could teleport
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
